The Lighter Side

Article By: www.hayibo.com

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 10:25

The South African Football Association has apologised to the public after it discovered that national coach Joel Santana was in fact not a football coach but rather a maraca player in a samba band who had filled in the wrong job application form. SAFA said it was "mortified", but added that no harm had been done as "Bafana can't get worse".

According to a spokesman, the error had been discovered at a meeting of the SAFA Board on Friday morning.

"We'd invited Joel in to report back, and our suspicions were aroused when he kept referring to midfielders as 'the brass section'."

However, he said, the phrase had been overlooked as the Board had thought it was "hip Brazilian gangsta idiom".

He said the Board had been greatly encouraged when Santana told them that the squad had enormous talent.

"He said the guys were displaying good rhythm, excellent pace, and were finally starting to develop good harmonies."

But he explained that the meeting "degenerated pretty quickly after that".

"We asked him what he needed in terms of financial resources to develop talent, and he said he needed R30 000 for a new piano, and a new set of bongo drums, as Benni McCarthy had reversed his Porsche over the last set.

"That's when we found out that he thought his job was to develop a national samba orchestra.

"We were gutted, and so was Joel."

Hasty investigations revealed that Santana was in fact not a football coach at all, but rather lead maraca player for a Rio de Janeiro samba band called 'Freaky Feliciano's Fevered Fingers of Fiesta Funk'.

"As far as we can tell someone gave him the wrong employment application form at the temp agency in Brixton when he landed in South Africa," said the spokesman.

"Under 'State Intended Goals' he wrote, 'Si, lots and lots of intended goals', so that's probably why it got sent to SAFA head office."

Asked how Santana got through SAFA's interview process, the spokesman conceded that "most carbon-based organisms" could get through its interviewers.

"At this time the selection criteria for a potential national coach are that the applicant must be human, have a pulse, and speak with an accent.

"The accent is probably the most important aspect, though."

God appointed me – Mugabe

08:27am | President Robert Mugabe says that "only God" could remove him from office, as the opposition considered pulling out of next week's run-off election amid escalating violence.

GOD ALSO MADE MONKEYS AND BABOONS

 

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:05

Rampant theft by Post Office workers (Our trustworthy Post office Workers !!! never!!!) has infuriated internet retailing giant Amazon so much that it will no longer send goods to South Africa by post, Business Day has reported.

Anyone wanting to order directly from the US-based website must now pay for a private courier service adding about R420 to the price of a DVD.

No one from the Post Office would comment.

No other African country's postal service had been blacklisted by Amazon, Business Day said.

The Lighter Side

Article By: www.hayibo.com

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 10:34

A day after US online retail giant Amazon announced that it was no longer offering South African customers standard postal delivery due to massive theft by SA Post Office employees, the Post Office has announced that it will sell cut-price books, DVDs and CDs direct to the public outside the back door of its branches nationwide.

According to a statement made by Post Office spokesman Gift Mkhize, the new retail outlets would operate on a cash-only, first-come first-served, don't-ask-don't-tell basis.

He added that for those customers who did not feel like queuing there would be "mobile franchises" parked near most branches, where the public was welcome to buy goods out of the boots of Post Office employees' cars.

Asked if the Post Office was ashamed at being the only postal service in Africa to be blacklisted by the US retail giant, Mkhize was defiant, saying that Amazon's bold branding on its packaging was to blame for the rampant pilfering.

"Those parcels have 'Amazon' written all over them," he said. "Our employees find this very provocative.

"Most of our staff are functionally illiterate, but over the years, handling many printed items, some of them have developed a rudimentary sense of lettering, and that big A and big Z are unmistakable."

He said that expecting Post Office staff not to pocket their clients' packages was "as naïve as expecting Members of Parliament not to fiddle their expense accounts".

According to Mkhize, the decision to sell merchandise outside the back door of branches had been made at Board level, after initial anti-theft measures proved ineffective.

He said that a 2003 initiative to install metal detectors at staff entrances had been compromised when all the metal detectors were stolen by employees, who then sold them back to the Post Office, which subsequently lost them.

"It was very demoralising," he said. "At least this way our employees feel like stakeholders in the whole process."

Meanwhile, a police spokesman has admitted that postal theft is very difficult to tackle.

Superintendent Magda Siff said that the problem was compounded by the fact that Post Offices clerks traditionally moved "incredibly slowly".

"Anyone who has ever used a Post Office in South Africa knows that it takes up to twenty minutes for the sullen lady at Counter 4 to get off her stool, waddle into a back room, have a cup of tea and packet of tennis biscuits, and waddle back with the wrong parcel.

"During this time she has any number of opportunities to secret away DVDs and suchlike in her industrial-strength underwear."

She said new bras featuring heavy-duty underwires, high-tensile nylon straps and titanium clasps could cope with much greater loads.

"We're seeing small TVs, ant farms, box sets of Desperate Housewives. That kind of stuff."

She urged the public to report suspiciously rectangular breasts by calling the police's postal theft hotline at 1-800-LOS-DAAI-DOOS.

Its so sad....Our maid’s son passed away on Friday from that nasty thing called AIDS...
Other than it being sad for his family, it was rather a horrible way to die, with nobody around other than his mother, his friends became nonexistent when they found out, even the hospital told his mom to take him away as they could do nothing more for him on Friday morning.
Some of the Taxi drivers refused to give her a ride as they were to scared they will catch it. So she had a sick son and no transport. When she finally got home, he passed away an hour or two later.

Odd thing is many people here still carry on as if it is not a problem, and the one’s that do acknowledge it are SHIT scared.

 

A small video i made in 2007 with my samsung D600 cellphone camera......freak storm......